What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 19.06.2025 02:41
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
When was the last time you had sex with someone much older than yourself?
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Im still living with it.
Is OnlyFans good or bad for the society? Why?
They are buried together, in the same grave..
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
LSU baseball vs. UCLA game suspended on Monday night. Here's when it will resume - NOLA.com
I write beautiful poetry .
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I think the readers, may guess!
What does it mean if someone asks if it’s pink?
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Who then, do I blame.?
How do you write lyrics for a song that resonates with listeners?
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I have no regrets .
She found it foreign!.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
What are your darkest taboo confessions?
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
When she asked me how she looked .
She loved him until the end.
Why do people always talk about Ohio as it's a dangerous city?
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
She was in good health!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I was seconnd youngest,
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Ive learnt so much.
We all went to grammer schools
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Would this be the day?
(And it was in our own minds.)
One cannot live in the past .
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
But it wasn’t much.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
So whats the point in blame.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
We were not on the streets..
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
So, i spoilt her more .
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
It was going to be , some day.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
This is soul school!.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I said to her
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
She married twice! .
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
My life is so biszare .
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I could never make a relationship work though!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
She wouldn,t have been !
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I was scared of men, in general
The only rule us 5 kids had .
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
My family never makes their pension either.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Why did i forgive my father ?
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
All the time i was locked up.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
As i do to all so called friends.?
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
He knew the spot.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I waited trembling.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I never cut or harmed myself..
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
But, we were locked up after school.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I was 9 years of age.
I was very sick at this time too.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
What did i know ?
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Especially a lifetime of it.
Was to survive, this bastard.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I couldn’t, believe it.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Put me off passion for life!!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
And i lived it daily.
Comes on , in middle age.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I don,t even have a pension.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
He resisted the act ,that day.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I will be 64.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.